Signs You Play Too Many FPS

Signs You Play Too Many Shooters
1. Whenever you play dodgeball and you get hit, you blame it on lag
2. Whenever you're sick you consider killing yourself so you'll respawn at full health
3. You're planning extensively for the zombie apocalypse
4. You found the giant turd in Doom 3's intro level
5. You know the difference between 1st and 3rd person in video games, just not in literature
6. You play shooters you hate, claiming you're "bored with the good ones"
7. You mumble "IDKFA" under your breath whenever you realize you forgot your keys
8. You've been playing Doom since you were SIX
9. You impulsively declare "Grabbin' pills" whenever you pick something up
10. You suddenly realize that the player in any given FPS has no name and never talks, so you pretend it's you and talk for them (you may or may not cry yourself to sleep every night)
11. Whenever you're asked about your weekend plans you answer by saying "Unreal Tournament, a bag of Doritos and a two-liter of Mountain Dew, maybe a nap on Sunday"
12. You blame the parents and the school for Columbine (Note: Doom had absolutely nothing to do with the shooting)
13. You refer to small chunks of anything as "Gibs"
14. Listening to heavy metal or hard rock actually makes you feel badass and you play better
15. You got through Doom 3 and now you never need flashlights... EVER
16. You keep getting tricked into watching screamers because they claim to reveal Master Chief's face
17. You walk everywhere humming the theme of level 1-1 in the first Doom (Which is so TOTALLY Master of Puppets!)
18. You only know the four elements of nature Water, Earth, Air and Fire from Kiss: Psycho Circus
19. You start seeing Alma darting around your peripheral vision... In real life!
20. You approach a horse because you recognized them from GUN
21. You've spent more than a month looking for the cake
22. You start questioning why we have automatic shotguns now, but not in 2145 or 2552
23. You contemplate suicide whenever your LAN crashes
24. You own the officially published disc of .WAD files for Doom 1 and 2
25. You've downloaded a Dos Emulator
26. You still hope Duke Nukem Forever will be finished
27. You remember Serious Sam
28. You've played Codename: Outbreak for five minutes, took out the disc and flung it across the room
29. You know how to pronounce "Skaarj"
30. You know all the abbreviations by heart, UAC, FEAR, ATC, TCA, UNSC...
31. You've noticed that the boxes of nails in Quake bear the Nine-Inch-Nails logo
32. You know the difference between John Carmack and John Romero
33. You inform your family that the house is on lockdown until you can find where you left the disc for Call of Duty
34. You blame all your problems on Louis
35. You start to wish you had a crosshair in real life
36. You recognized every old enemy in Doom 3 (even the Hellknight)
37. You know exactly where the Tank will spawn before the AI Director even knows
38. You found the secret room with the Tank Commander getting fondled by two Iron Maidens in the last level of Quake 2
39. You've killed more Nazis than there have ever existed
40. You realize that Capcom never refers to guns by their proper names
41. You once tried to build your own railgun
42. Your stats in GUN have literally earned you the title of "Badass"
43. The last "platformer" you've ever played was Thing-Thing
44. You start to think taking painkillers would actually help if you got shot
45. You've always preferred a light gun or zapper to a control pad
46. You took a year of Spanish so you could try to find out what the villagers in Resident Evil 4 are saying
47. You try in vain to find a Marcus Fenix skin for UT2K4 online
48. You shout "Boomer!" whenever you see a fat person
49. You've instigated a riot after watching the Doom movie
50. You know that Doom 3 is a reboot, not a sequel, nor a remake
51. Your dreams sooner or later turn into an FPS
52. The only sports you know are "Deathmatch", "Capture the Flag" and "Bombing Run"
53. Any telephone messages you leave are drowned out by the sound of gunfire
54. Whenever you sit down at your computer, your fingers automaticallys rest on the W, A, S and D keys
55. You drew a Heads-Up Display on the lenses of your glasses with a Sharpie
56. You found Freddy Krueger's clothes hanging on a wall in Blood
57. You think chainsaws are self-powered and unstoppable
58. You know more than one Machinima series
59. You actually have a favorite war
60. You once tried to find "MartianBuddy.Com" to get the BFG early in Doom 3
61. After a single session of Halo online, you need to use your replica of Gordon Freeman's crowbar to pry you ass from the couch
62. You periodically scream "Headshot!" for absolutely no reason
63. You've converted your bathroom into a game cave by moving in a mattress with sheets, a mini fridge, TV, your consoles, computer and game library, then you locked the door and were never heard from again
64. You scoff at "Hell's Mightiest Warrior" and call him a sissy
65. You actually spent so long fighting the Icon of Sin's spawn that you eventually got telefragged
66. You take a knife with you everywhere so you'll run faster
67. Much to the disdain of everyone you live with, you wake up every morning and roar "I live again!"
68. Whenever you die in-game you start to feel faint, then you get real sleepy...